Last night I stayed up most of the night. This is not an usual thing for me. What made it unusual was that there was a female involved and for the first time in a REALLY long time I was able to talk about things that only girls are allowed to talk about. I hadn't even really noticed it was gone.
"The One" is working full time and then some these days, It doesn't give us a lot of time together but we try to make use of the time we do get.
But what I really want to talk about is "The Other" which is in essence why I created this site, because I was totally crushing on him and couldn't really tell anyone about it. Which hasn't changed much. In fact it's more important now that I don't tell anyone about it, even tho I have so much more to say about it now than I did then.
Last night while discussing things that only girls can talk about I had to be very creative in the way I said things so that I didn't outright lie but didn't tell the truth either. I told this girl about things I have learned about "The Other" and learned things about her sexual history too. At one point during our caffeine and paint fumed induced girl talk giggling, due in part to things I had "heard" about "The Other" it was suggested that we propose a threesome to him. It wasn't a serious idea, but it was a fun thought.
I miss "The Other" or rather what I miss is my communication and misconceptions. I wish I had never slept with him. Not for the reasons you would suspect tho. I wish I had never slept with him because now that's all I can think about when I'm horny. I want to feel the way he is inside me, I want to feel his grip on me, hear the grunt as he grasps my torso. I want the smile on his face and the roughness of his fingers on my breasts. His breath on the wetness of my neck, the way he nibbles on my ear, the sound of his voice when he's in lust and in control. Oh God, I love those things, and I wish I had never experienced them so that I wouldn't know what I was missing.
I'm not sure "The Other" likes me much at the moment. I figure he probably still loves me. . . After all love is a pretty difficult thing to change, but from some clues in behavior I get the impression he wouldn't mind so much if he didn't see me at all for a couple weeks, didn't have to hear my voice, or at least could tune me out completely for a while. All of which is understandable, if a little disconcerting. One of these days he is going to tell me to bugger off for a bit, and I guess I'll understand (and by understand I mean act like it's ok and then go pout, eat chocolate, and think about cruel ways to tell him off)
I have to admit I waffle back and forth between wanting to take him in back and do all sorts of inappropriate things and wanting to tell him off for something a lot recently. I know on my part a lot of the telling off is stress and expecting things I haven't specifically asked for, which is dumb, but I occasionally do it anyway. I'm trying very hard not to ask him to do more work than I am doing myself. And I'm certain I'm not telling him thank you enough. I probably should more often, because I really couldn't do it without him. But I still can't help thinking about how much I want sex. Not just any sex. . . His. It's as if once I imagine doing him again, and how good it feels that nothing else will satisfy me.
