Secret Admirer

A long time back when I was just a newly wed little notes would appear on the dining room table or on my pillow or in my coat pocket. They were well written proclamations of love and adoration signed my secret admirer. And although the writing style was clearly that of "The One's" he vehemently denied ever writing them. I treasure the notes and have locked away in keepsake box. One of very few sentimental things I am attached to. About three to four years back the notes stopped coming. But it was the same time "The Other" and I started dating and life became overly busy with work and friends and family so I didn't really notice. This year for valentines day I received a package from my secret admirer again. "The Other" is truly fantastic. I'm quite certain I'm still head over heals for him.

I don't think I ever realized how much of an impact "The Other" had on my relationship with "The One". It feels weird not to have those same effects and to see how things are changing. I've noticed a lot more attentiveness from "The One" I have to wonder if that is in part because I've got an obvious depression going on, or if it's more that my sex drive seems to have slowed to a snails pace and he just wants it more.

"The Other" still fills my thoughts. I haven't had a night in months that he hasn't been in my dreams. It has never been unusual for "The Other" to appear in my dreams, but these ones are different. It's a very comfortable, we both know the situation and we just talk, about everything and nothing all night. Sometimes I wake up refreshed and happy from it and other times I wake up longing so bad that it ruins my whole day.

Work. It's been hard lately. I miss staying up all night talking business plans at Perkins. I miss having someone with whom the communication and desire to make the place better was something that permeated everything. I miss dressing up for work and getting there early just to see the look in his eyes when I walked in the door. "The Other" helped drive my passion for making the place thrive. I miss the passion. (and honestly I rather dislike some of the newer clientel)