The entire summer

It seems like everytime I've posted this summer it's been to complain about what I'm not getting from "The Other". But if you really look at it, it's been a solid year that I've had the same complaint. It would seem the squeaky wheel gets fixed, because after I post something "The Other" pays attention for a while and then it fades back to a point where I revert to writing to get out my feelings.

Why is it that this is a recurring theme for me? Am I doing something wrong that makes this repeat itself? Perhaps I push to hard? Perhaps I want too much? Perhaps it's just a matter of my expectations. Perhaps I need to adjust my way of seeing things.

It's really about the moments we do have, the times he looks at me and it is written in his eyes, the times he wants me, the times he holds me, the incredible sex. Maybe I need to narrow my vision so I only see those moments, where I savor each one till it dissolves like a disc candy to nothing but a sweet flavor in my memory.

Bi any other name

The little things are what keep me enamored with "The One" he's out of town for the weekend, but made of point of letting me know he wanted me when he got back and when he got plastered he sent me a small text message saying he loves me. It always brightens my day when he does the small things that let me know he's still thinking about me. He couldn't be any more charming if he tried. Well he probably could, but he doesn't need to.

As I mentioned, I have the house to myself for the weekend. You would think this would lend itself well to alone time with "The Other" but it really didn't work out that way. "The Other" spent last evening talking with friends and taking out the trash rather than come over and let me please him in every way I could conceive of. Tonight I didn't ask, but then I didn't have to. If I hadn't already known that he had to work early in the morning, he made it pointedly clear on more than one occasion today that he was going straight home to bed after work, he may not even watch several hours of TV before going to sleep. That's right, in one stroke he managed to paint me as lower than friends, lower than sleep, lower than TV and lower than taking out the trash. Wow does that boost my self esteem.

So to make myself feel better about the whole thing I went on a walk with a female friend and we talked about stereotypes on libido and gender being so backwards. The walk had so much conversation about turning lesbian that I wouldn't be surprised if she were to pick me up for the next gay rights thing in town. Actually that's probably a great place to meet bi chicks. . . Maybe I will go with or without her.

Cheating

Today at work a couple of our regulars that were recently married came in. This is a charming couple. She works at the casino and he stocks at wallmart. They have three young boys. They struggle to make ends meet and make time for each other and the kids. He's obsessed with some card games and she's understanding and helps save money for him to buy them. He went to a seminary intending to lead a church at one point. They have lots of friends and family and support in the area. This couple was recently married.

So they walked into the store today together. He checks who's playing and she comes up to the counter to chat and wait for him (not at all unusual for them). The first things out of her mouth are. "trying to make things work" likes it explains everything. . . must have been in code, cuz I was clueless.

"Didn't know things weren't working" I say leaving it wide open for her to tell me what's going on. I figure they argued about money or about the kids or any number of things that can easily become an issue in relationships.

"He cheated on me." She states

"What?" . . . yeah that's about the last thing I ever expected to hear out of her mouth.

"You didn't know?" obviously I didn't. "I thought the whole city knew" and then she went on to ask me if I knew some lady, which I didn't but apparently he did this other lady the same night she did most of his male friends some of which would make me barf to even think of in a sexual way. It completly blew my mind. Cheating I can kind of KIND OF understand, but cheating with someone who is doing SIX guys the same night? And then apparently he is mad at his wife for making him get tested for STDs.

Ok I don't think I fully explained these other guys. They are the kind of guy that sends a shiver up your spine when they walk by. They make orcs look smart. . . and clean. Most of them if you could stand being close enough to them you'd want to shove them in a soapy tub and scrub them raw, as long as you didn't have to talk to them in the process. Yeah that's right, even the one guy that continuously gets complaints at our store about his uh. . .odor. My god what kind of man would have even the vaguest interest in a girl who would sleep with that? And on the same night to boot.

If he had fallen in love and cheated with a girl who he conected with. . . I would have gotton that, but after watching someone do your icky guy friends. . . . why the hell would he want to? Especially when he has a wife or really ANY other option including mastubation. I lost all respect for this guy. Which is sad, he could've been cool.