love-children

Numerous attempts at pregnancy over the last few years have led only to shattered hopes and lots of miscarriages. The last miscarriage being the same week as "The Other's" death. So when I found out I was pregnant again, I felt almost as much despair as hope. Fortunately the hope has won out so far as I'm 15 weeks along now and everything looks good.

"The One" and the lovechild are so excited about the baby. It's been nice to get far enough along to suspect it won't end in mind crushing emotional defeat. The pregnancy has been harder than most of my others, and even while I'm crying at some random commercial, I take all the throwing up and emotional upheaval as a good sign.

I'm still staying in contact with "The Other's" mom. She has never asked, and I've never told, but it's a comfortable elephant now. I'm no longer waiting, I assume she knows but doesn't want anything confirmed. Otherwise I'm doing rather well with the whole losing him thing. There is still a tender red scar from it, and I'd be lieing if I said i don't miss him, but at least it doesn't feel so much like an open wound anymore.

As for anyone else, well I have to admit as the pregnancy goes along I have less and less desire for anyone other than the father of my children. It seems like such a bad time to introduce something new and confusing. And honestly I haven't even read a profile or come across anyone that I thought even remotely qualified to get to know that well. Most people that contact me through dating sites I wouldn't even want to be friends with. I guess if the time and person are ever right that it'll just happen. I've been extremely lucky in love so far, and if two true loves is all I ever get, then it's still so much more than most people ever do. And really if it isn't that amazing undeniable deeper than you could ever imagine friendship and love, what's the point?