Annual Pain

Here it is again, mid September. I died seven years ago around this time and every year I have to deal with it again.

It's weired to think that seven years ago I completed my life's mission and was ready to move on to something else. I stayed because "The Other" asked me to. Sure there were lots of good reasons, but the one that tipped the balance was "The Other" asking me to stay. It's like I've been on a seven year sabatical, a vacation if you will for seven years. And now the reason I stayed isn't even here. The past six years he has been here when the annual stuff hits. He always had just the right thing to say, just the right hug and he always made me glad I stayed. I miss him. Life has almost returned to normal. I function and spend the majority of my time happy but his presence still lingers with me. I still hurt at the thought of not feeling his hugs.
I feel like I'm healing faster than the average person. I account this to the fact "The Other" really loved me. I was without a doubt the love of his life and I feel very much like he gave part of his soul to keep me here. I'll treasure that piece I have.

"The One" and I have put in a ton of work lately. It will continue far into next week. We had a wonderful working vacation and I fear it will be a while before we are able to catch up on our sleep. He's been wonderfully hard working, and wonderful at taking time for fun too. He makes me feel so loved.

Just before "The One" and I left for vacation I came across an online article on borderline personalities and I found it erily remanicent of the lady I've mentioned in the last few posts. I shared it "The One" and he agreed. Not sure what to make of it. Speaking of said lady, she is all jumping to conclusions again.

Lunch with Mom

"The Other's" mom and I went out for lunch today. It was kinda nice. We chatted, had a good time, and made plans to go sky diving. I drove by the cemetery and told him I was having lunch with him mom before I went. They can't seem to keep the lights near his grave to stay lit at night. I told them it was probably "The Other" knocking them out. He hated having lights on at night.

Apparently "The Other's" Mom and sister are going to see a medium. The sister apparently hasn't even begun to move on yet. She is still looking for closure. Still looking for that letter that she swears he wrote to her. I'm almost certain he didn't leave any goodbye notes of any sort. He wasn't planning to leave, and even if he did intend to write notes he never would have gotten around to doing them.

"The One" like usual is being an absulute doll. We haven't had a whole lot of time together because everyone else in the world seems to be in the midst of massive drama, but the time we have together is nice. "The One" seems like he is burned out on work. fortunatley we are leaving Sunday for Vegas so the mini vacation will hopefully bring him back all refreshed and happy and ready to do an amazing amount of quality work.

ok so onto other people. First off there is "The Cad". He's this amazingly arrogent son of a bitch with charm that makes you almost believe he's fucked as many women as he says he has. I remember when I first met him thinking I can't believe a geek can be this much of slime bag. Anyway I'm not sure at what point, but somewhere along the line we've become like super close friends. He texts me all the time and we'll call each other at three in the morning just to find out how an evening with whatever girl went. "The Cad" has told me all his deep dark secrets and even called me when his wife walked out the door on him. Now funny as this all is and as close as we seem to have become, there is no chance of anything sexual. We flirt shamelessly, but I'm certain I'm not his type, and he certainly isn't mine.

Secondly: "The One's" kinda sorta girlfriend. I've mentioned her before and how she'd make a great friend but not much else. Anyway "The One" and I sat down with her and told her how things were, sort of laid the line that we don't want there to be any pressure of any sort and thought it was made clear, but apparently it really wasn't. This line being clear thing was not helped by her coming up to get stuff, and us all having a fun time that involved chesse wiz and less than normal clothing. Or by the fact that I was very flirty by phone with her one night while while I was in a hyper- horny mood. I meant it all innocently enough. It was just being flirty.

"The One" apparently hasn't held the line either, because when I talked to him about the situation when we sat and defined the nothing more than friends, he seemed on the same page, but now he's right back to the wishy washy. . . well she likes me, that he had the first several months. I'm not sure if he's changed his mind, or if he just didn't level with me while I was asking how he really felt. Although I'm irked that where he stood when talking to me has changed, I don't really care much if he wants to have a relationship with her. I don't ever see there being anything between her and me, but far be it from me to keep him from making his own choices. After all, I fell head over feet for "The Other" without "The One" being part of what was between "The Other" and I. I don't for a moment regret anything I had with "The Other" and I don't want "The One" to miss out on anything that could bring him that kind of happiness.