I want to. I want to love "The One" with all my heart. I want to have a deep unabiding passion that takes over everytime I am near him. I want to find him the most irresistible thing imaginable. He is everything I want. He is everything I need. He is everything inside of me that I wish I could be. He says all the right things at exactly the right time, but he means nothing to me and I don't know why. The truth is he is a fabulous husband, and he's trying really hard to provide for us. He is caring and loving and warm and witty and resourceful and kind and inquisitive and sensual and intelligent. He is practical and creative and calm and understanding and helpful and many-faceted. He is all of that and a bag of nuts. He rocks in the sack. He kisses like a fine wine. And I want more than anything to be as in love with him as she was. And I want him to love me back. ME not her. But he can't even see that we aren't the same person. He's so in love with her he can't see that she is gone. Maybe we'll learn to love each other all over again. Maybe he'll fall for me. And maybe I can love him the way I so desperately long to. Maybe we need to start dating. Maybe I need to make him earn his sex, the way I would any man I date. Only then where would I get my nooky?


I hate "The Other"* I hate him for being there. I hate him for being him. I hate him for making me question. For making me wonder, for letting there be another option. I Hate him. I hate "The Other" for smelling good, for setting off my buttons, for turning me on. I hate him for not making the move before I was married. I hate him for not being what I wanted and not being good enough to leave "The One" for. I hate him for not being better. I hate him for still being who he is when he isn't better. I hate him. I hate myself for wanting him, but not enough to actually take him. I hate him for that. I just plain fucking hate him.

I should run away from them both and have wild succulent sex with hot lesbians.

*I don't actually hate him, I just need someone to blame and right now he fits the bill.