I can't do it. I can't do him. Everytime I'm done with some of the most intense pleasure of my life (and that's just the frosting, I haven't had any cake yet) I can't stand the way I feel afterwards. It's a half guilt, half loathing, I don't know exactly what the feeling is, but it always makes me want to leave him alone and never touch him again. Even while I long for the pleasure of "The Other's" frosting.

So today I broke down. I can't do it. I messengered him one word, "bye" then I deleted and blocked him from all my accounts. Already I miss him. Knowing when he gets off work tonight that he'll be expecting to IM me and maybe get together and do some make-out/petting. But I can't do it. And although I know the cutting him out of my life won't last. It's all I can do for now.