The "I can have my cake and eat it too" Plan.

last night when I ranted and raved I thought that I couldn't have my cake and eat it too. I thought the only possible roads were to go completely with "The One" or "The Other" But today while grieving the loss of "The Other" in my mind (obviously I would have chosen the familiar and stable) I began to think about having both.

It would be simple enough to allow my feelings and actions for "The Other" as a side thing. To more or less have him as a Dick on Call when I need physical or emotional support of his kind and to otherwise live my life with "The One" in an almost normal marriage situation. The Part of it that wouldn't be normal would be that I would openly admit to who I am and who I want to be and who I want to love. I would, of course, allow the same courtesy to my husband who would be free to love whom and when he chooses. Why should I be constrained by values that belong to my parents or friends when I don't feel them. Why should I feel ashamed for things that I have to feel ashamed that I can't feel ashamed for? Why should others be able to hold their moral standards as the basis of which I lead my life.?

I have enough love for both, as long as they are willing to share. I won't feel guilty as long as I proclaim loudly to the universe, "THIS IS WHO I AM AND I DON"T GIVE A RATS ASS ABOUT YOUR OPINION!" if this plan is adopted I will state in public how I feel and why I feel it and that it's ok for me to feel that way.

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