Ayn Rand.

I have to fight against her philosophy. I need to defend myself against believing the things she preaches, because I so desperately want to believe them. Oh how I long to give in to the way she defends affairs. Oh how I would love to "Have my cake and eat it too". My men are friends now. "The One" and "The Other" are great friends. They play games together and laugh and joke and hang out like it was nothing. But I can't have them both. Can I? Would I be true to my values if I did? No I couldn't. I would feel guilt and despair and loathing for myself if I allowed such behavior never mind that I think of "The Other" while in the throws of passion with "The One" Never mind that each time I'm near "The Other" my hormones set me off into a frenzy of desire or that I can think of nothing but touching and snuggling and you know while I'm near "The One". I've often said there is no point in having cake if you don't eat it, but I still can't allow myself to believe the philosophy that demands I give into sensual pleasure.