Ambitious, "The One" is ambitious. I'm so excited for him. I guess I've never seen him so excited about a project he was working on. He's motivated and getting stuff done and holy she*t is it attractive. Who knew that a man being so excited could be so damn sexy? "The One" wants to start a bushiness, his very own bushiness. And I'm not going to stand in his way. I think it will be very good for him and I think the enthusiasm of really wanting to do what he is doing will make work so much more enjoyable for him. Ok so it means we are going to have a budget crunch and a lot of our fun little weekend trists are going to have be more like cornflakes by candlelight, but he's going to be so much happier.

I talked with "The Other" last night, and he seems to be lacking any ambition at all. He seems to be in a deep blue funk about life in general. He hasn't done really anything with his life yet and I think he finds that very depressing, although he won't admit to it directly. If I weren't already a happily married woman I would lay that guy like he's never been laid before and then kick his ass into doing something. The guy oozes with potential. I think all he needs to do to make something of it is some lady to tell him he can and give him a little encouragement. Honestly if I could find a girl who was good enough for him and willing to take him on as a project (although no woman should ever take on a man as a project) I really wouldn't begrudge their relationship (although in all honesty I'd be just a bit jealous) I don't understand my feelings for "The Other" I waffle back and forth all the time and one minute I want to fuck him like an animal and the next I can't even figure out why I'd be attracted. I really miss our deep connection. I kinda regret severing it, but one must do what one must do, and honestly I don't think it will be severed too long. One time of seeing each other in person and it'll all be there again. Even if we never admit to it again.

Met some bi-sexual lifestylers the other day. I meant to ask them all about their way of life and how it works and how they like it and all that, but I never did. I mean who really just says. . So you fuck men and women. . .Do you like it? Could you tell me in gory details about it so I can live my bi-curiosity out vicariously through you? . . .Yeah I somehow think that line of conversation would be a bit awkward to start up. Perhaps someday I'll ask about it tho. If I weren't so head over heals for "The One" I would seriously think about becoming a swinger. . . Only I don't want to swing with just anyone. I'm not the type of person who could give oral sex as a thank you to someone who carries a dresser for me or something. I would want it to be a deep and meaningful kind of thing. I don't go giving out that kind of stuff until the relationship is so deep there is no other form of communication deep enough for it.