Not sure I should be here. Not sure I should voice the echoes in my head. I may convince myself of something I don't want to think about but can't seem to set aside.

You see the truth of the story is that I am a married woman, a happily married woman. I am madly in love with my husband but have deep abiding feelings for a long time friend. In fact sexuality at large confuses me. Perhaps I'm a lesbian and just don't know it yet.

I'm here to air all this out to myself and hope to find in the end. . . Myself.

Shall we start at the beginning. . . My Husband, I've been in love with him for as long as I can remember (since junior high) From before I even met him he was the standard by which I judged all other men. No one stacks up against "the one" He has always treated me like I was someone important, special and above all loved. I treasure his love. I adore his love. And I can't ever imagine myself without him.

About a year and a half before I got married I met "the other" At first I thought nothing of it. It was just a friendship formed by mutual activities. One night at said mutual activities we had a deep conversation and I started to fall for something deep within this other. Our friendship deepened into many philosophical debates but always remained just a friendship. I know he has tried to tell me how he feels, and everyone can see the depth of his caring simply by the way his eyes follow me. The sexual tension when we are together is thick enough to grab hold of like it's fleshy budge around a waist.

and then there is women. . . I think the female form is ever so much more attractive than the male form. . . I can imagine myself loving a female form more so than a male form.

I'd say I'm in a love triangle. . . But it's really more love squared.