I'm a fucking asshole. A complete fucking moron. I've really gone too far this time. I don't know what possesses me. Why do I have to flip flop all the time. When I'm with "The One" I swear I'll never touch "The Other" again. I swear its over and that I'll devote myself to the man that adores me enough to put up with all my shit and claim he still loves me. But all my cohesion, all my planning. . . It just falls apart when I'm with "The Other". I have no self control. I have no willpower of my own. I'm a grade A fucking moron and I've crushed the very essence of "The One". I feel bad that he feels pain. I want to make it all better. I want to be that good and faithful wife, but I honestly can't bring myself to feel bad about "The Other" touching me. I want to. I want to feel ashamed for the way he caresses my skin, but the only thing I feel bad about is how it hurts "The One".

I'm not sure I can do this anymore. I'm not sure I can do any of it. I need to get away. I need to run.