The most attractive thing in the world is when your husband is sitting on top of your child making the child squeal in gigglish delight, When both the love of your life and the lovechild of that relationship are giggling together in a blissful wild happiness. Nothing is better than that. Nothing. That's why I stay. That is why I am always here with "The One". He is the love of my life and he loves our lovechild more than I ever imagined anyone could love a child. I love him for that. I love the way they play. I love the way they giggle. I love the way they love being together. I love to sit and watch. I stay because I couldn't bare to think those moments happen all the time without me.

It's nice to feel attractive, wanted, pined after no matter what is going on in your life and how ugly you feel. I think that is why I keep "The Other" around. Why I hold fast to that string in his heart and never let him go. I like the attention. When it seems he is getting too far away I reel him in till he thinks he is going to get something, but when he gets too close I push him away. I'm in the pushing away stage right now. Although I still talk to him online at night, I have nothing to say and no real desire to say anything. I sometimes imagine myself telling him about what is going on in my life when things go on in my life, but when it comes to the actual conversation I find I like the version in my head better. Perhaps because I hold the reins of the conversation and he responds in the deepness of my fantasy way when I control him.

Speaking of fantasies. I've been thinking about that threesome again. You know the one with me eating out a chick while being boned from behind. . . Oh yeah. I'm pretty sure this is going to be a fantasy I never live out, but it sure is fun to think about during sex, or while lying around wanting sex.