Don't mind that last post. . . Just PMS, Hormones are stabling out now.

I had a nice chat with "The One" this morning about the passion of Ayn Rand and was assured quit profusely that he is not staying with me because of financial or social reasons, and he isn't in pain by my sexual deviance. This clarification helped a lot. (girls are such weird creatures needing reassurance of small things) Anyway I had a pretty nice day with him, not nearly as much snuggling as I would have enjoyed, but then again we were in public and there was at least as much as I expected. I have been overly needy in the snuggles department lately, I would blame this on a festering illness that won't seem to go away. I'm always more physically needy (not actual sex needy, but snuggle needy) when I'm not feeling up to par.

As I reread the post from last night, I realized that I wasn't so upset that I wasn't offered sex, what I was upset about was that the snuggling had to end. I was more than happy to just lay there with his arm wrapped around me. I also had the strongest urges to both pull him as close to me as I could and to push him away and not let him touch me at all, which is an odd dichotomy of emotions. I found on more than one occasion that I had a hand behind his neck, pulling him in for a kiss while I had my other hand flat on his chest to push him away. The only thing I can do is to blame that on hormones. @#^$ hormones.

I miss talking to "The Other" online. I really miss the inane little comments about work and life and occasionally the deep foray into philosophy, but it's mostly the inane little things I miss. Like telling him about the kid at work who. . . Fill in the blank with whatever pointless drivel comes to mind. Or telling him about how my prescription for the smoldering illness that won't go away messed with my head so badly today that I stopped at least three times while counting money completely forgetting who had given it to me and what they were purchasing. Do you know how flaky you sound when you stop someone two seconds after telling them what they owe you to ask them what they are buying?

Can you tell when this blog began to be read by "The One" and "The Other"? I'll give you a hint, It's when I changed from writing about them to writing about me. It's when I began to leave out things that I thought might hurt them, It's when I put everything into the perspective of "I feel, or I want or I need" because any of those things is taken better by someone it affects than a "You stupid moron you have to" I didn't make the desicion to change my writing style consciously, It just happened when I knew it was being read. I write better into the void, because I fear no repercussions, but because I'm full of myself I want to share and be praised for my good writing and that would be why I can never keep a blog secret for very long, but It isn't honest or good writing when I'm writing it for other people.

Still thinking about the adding another person, one of the female variety. Don't know how much it would complicate things, but it sure would be nice to be snuggled, and to have one more option when the guys are busy.