Dear "The One"
I feel like something is missing from my life. I don't know what it is or I would already be out pursuing it, and I"m pretty sure that something is missing sexually. Maybe I'm a lesbian, Maybe I need more sexual attention than any one person can give, maybe I just need a guide to getting it on. Honestly I can't think of anything that is missing only that something is. Maybe what I need is to be more busy so I don't notice that there is something missing, maybe I need a job, or a pregnancy, or any number of other things that I just can't put my finger on at the moment. From the outside things look like they are going so well. You look like you can deal with what I've done and support me while I become the devoted wife you deserve and I've already hurt you so much that it makes me ache to think of telling you about this new need, or rather old need that I was meeting in a way that was unsatisfactory to maintaining a healthy relationship. I don't really want to have to explore. I'd like to be able to just stay with you, never questioning, never knowing there is something else out there, but for some reason something isn't right and I want more than anything to figure it out and be happy sexually. It's not really that I'm unhappy sexually. I mean you are fabulous in the bedroom. I almost always cum several times while we are going at it. But somehow there seems to be something that I'm not getting from the experience anyway. Maybe it's as simple as communication, maybe it's as simple as romance and wanting to wanted. Maybe it's that I feel unworthy of you and that I unfairly trapped you into a relationship that you didn't want. Maybe I deep down question if you are here because of a commitment you made out of desperation or if you are really here for me, or if you made the right decisions for the right reasons back then if you are hanging on for false reasons now that I am someone different. I wonder if I am hanging on for the wrong reasons, but then I can't think of any reason I wouldn't want to be with you, You are fabulous. Absolutely fabulous. You treat me like gold even when I don't deserve it. You help raise the lovechild, you pay the bills, you take out the trash and run the laundry, you get along swimmingly with my family. I can't for the life of me figure out what is missing, only that something is and I feel unwhole with it. Please be understanding with me while I'm a pain in the ass.