Glutton for punishment

"The One" is stable, useful, overworked and often greatly under appreciated. Today is a fabulous example of that when instead of staying home, crawling into bed next to him, and snuggling until we fell asleep, I went back to work to accomplish things and play games. It wasn't until after another rejected offer by "The Other" that I had realized what a great opportunity I would have had if I had forsaken my work for a night and crawled into bed with "The One". Hopefully I'll be more mindful of these opportunities in the future.

Yeah, you did read that right. "The Other" has rejected me yet again, leaving me to wonder if there is something wrong. Or wondering at what point things changed. He's lost a lot of weight recently, I've gained a lot of weight. Maybe he doesn't find me desirable anymore. Or maybe there is someone else that is holding his interest. Perhaps I'm a conquest that has become irritating now that I'm conquered. Perhaps I'm a glutton for punishment, but I just keep asking. Each time as disappointing as if it were the only rejection I've ever received. Only they build upon each other, each one the building block of a tower. It's a tower I'm building to protect myself. Someplace I can hide from the barrage of self doubt that accompanies each rejection. And someday when the tower is finished I won't have to ask.

More women have been on top of me, feeling me up, in this last week than I ever imagined possible. The problem is they aren't the women I want. I do so like the feel of pursuit, but this isn't real pursuit. This is the kind of attention that says I'm so comfortable in your assexuality that I can make any comment, no matter how lude and feel safe.