My Other

My Other passed away this morning. It was a shock I was entirely unprepared for. Yesterday evening he was doing well and told me he'd see me today. This morning I woke up to a phone call from his sister telling me he was dead.

I spent the day with his family, in between crying we picked music for his funeral, picked his burial clothes, hacked into his email, and felt horrible intense pain the likes of which hell has nothing to compare.

Every time I close my eyes I see him as I saw him last. He has this little smirk and mouthes "I love you" to me. It's pure torture in it's mix of pleasure and pain. I love him. I love him so much.

I'll never see that little smirk again. I'll never feel his mustache's tickle as we kiss, I'll never talk to him online for hours, I'll never hear his sweet singing, or his strong voice in my ear as his arms wrap around me telling me it's all going to be ok. I'll never snuggle next to him for a movie. I'll never play video games at night with him. I'll never see that look of pure love in his eyes. I'll never have any of it again.

The Other was going to live forever. It seems wrong that time, space and existence didn't end when he died. None of it's supposed to exist without him. I don't know how my world didn't collapse.