Not in a million years

I reread my last post (rereading posts is a habit of mine) and I have found that I only feel that way when I'm not able to be honest about who I am inside. And who I am is someone who is is madly in love with two men. Although society and my family and "The One's" family and a lot of other people may not be ok with it, I am. Deep down I truly am. I only feel bad that I couldn't live up to others expectations when I feel I can't tell them how happy I am with my decisions.

I awoke this morning with thoughts of sex in my head and found that there was a receptive man waking up beside me. (after only about an hour of our alarm clock going off). "The One" is great. He was there and willing and loving and did everything I needed right then. I found myself moaning with pleasure and making all sorts of noise that would have been completely inappropriate if anyone else had been home. And he finished it all off with a little kiss, the little kiss that let's me know he'll still be thinking about me all day:D

Today at work during a regular moment with everything going the way it always does I looked at "The Other" and found his eyes right there looking back at me. There was no exchange of words, no precious looks of things unsaid and unsayable in that environment, just a plain look that was all the connection we've ever had rolled into the simple meeting of our eyes. At that moment I knew I would never take back what I have done. I would never in a million years change the decision I made to be with him.

The only reason I ever feel a desire to undo the past is to be able to live up to other people's expectations, so that I wouldn't know what I was missing while living up to other people's expectations. I feel no real guilt for having and loving two men. I only feel guilty that I don't have enough strength to be open about it.